Day 3

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Wow, ok so here it is, raw, and unabridged. 

When I was 19, and in a really rough time in my life, I had an abortion.  Not a day goes by that I don't kick myself for it.  Not a day goes by that I don't wonder, boy, or girl?  I wonder what (s)he would have looked like, acted like, and what my life would be like now if I would have not terminated that pregnancy.  That was my crashing point in life.  I had hit rock bottom.  I had no idea that it could go further, or that I could hurt worse.

How do you forgive yourself for something like that?  Something I now consider taking a life, I suppose I have partly left that up to God.  Most of you that know me, know I am not a religious person, well, I am, but I don't push it on people and I am not flamboyant about it.  I like to keep it within my family and to myself. But I have given that completely to God as of today and have asked for his forgiveness, as well as asking for the ability to forgive myself.  

Day 2

Day 2: Something you love about yourself...

Well, just as there are many things I hate about myself, there are also many things I love about my self.

I love that I have found a balance.  So many of you who know me, or have known me, would be absolutely SHOCKED to find out that I have been married for almost 10 years. (Hell, I am shocked myself.)  What wouldn't shock you is the whirlwind that became my marriage.  I got married in July of 2000, divorced in July of 2001, and remarried in August 2001.  I love that.  I love that I have found a place where I belong and a place where I can make it work.  I love supporting my husband and our two beautiful boys.  

My ability to move on no matter what happens.  I have been faced with many tragedies, and I have this insane ability to not wallow in them, to pick myself up, and move on.  That is one of the great things about my impulsive personality is that I can see a "new" plan and go for it no matter what.  sometimes yeah, that backfires on me, but for the most part, I make it work.

 That about sums up today's question.  


Just a heads up, day 3 and day 4 will be written but may not be posted until Monday, since I am going camping and may not have wireless service.


<3 Ally

Day One

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.


Oh my, where do I begin?  There is not just ONE thing I hate about myself.  

One thing I hate would be that I used to take so much for granted, and I still do.  My nephew just recently died at the young age of 15, and I realized then how precious each day, screw that, each moment, each SECOND is.  I try now to live every day completely, paying more attention to my boys and my husband.

Another thing I hate is my inability to let go of the past.  I don't hold grudges like most people, and I don't not hold grudges, what I mean is that if I do hold a grudge, God Bless you, because I will NEVER EVER let it go, I will bring it up over and over and over again, I will never let you forget how you wronged me.  I also still see myself as that 120 pound crazy wild teenager. (WTF? get real...)  I will never wear a half shirt again, that is something I have to accept.  I will never be a size 4 again, and parts of me that I NEVER thought would sag or droop or even wrinkle, have, at 32, already started to sag, droop, wrinkle, and say hi to the floor.  I have started to accept these things and hope that it happens gracefully.

There are of course, plenty of other things that I do not like, or things about myself I wish I could change, but these are the ones that I hate the most.

<3 Ally

Thirty Days Of Truth...The Journey Begins....

Okay so I am a total copycat!  My friend Karissa is doing this journey and her words were perfect, so I copied it, it was like she pulled these words right out of my head!

"A friend of mine is currently doing this same blog and I figured WHY not. It seems like a great way to really rediscover yourself.  I am pretty sure it will help me get to know myself better. Don’t read if you think you may be included in these truths and can’t handle it. I would say that you will most likely learn some things about me, that you may have never known.  I will be brutally honest in this journey. I personally feel that I could use a little truth for the soul. So here we go, buckle up and get ready for My 30 Days Of Truth.

 I encourage you to do this as well! You could even reveal some truths you never knew about yourself too." 

These are the questions I will be answering for the next 30 days: 

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.