Day 10

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Okay, this one is a 2 part...I couldn't decide which one was more important.

First of all, this isn't about a person per se, its more about something I am angry about that I need to let go. (2 somethings) And after I write this blog, it's over and done with and I am letting it go.  To hold on to this anger for 17 years and for 10 years, is unhealthy, in fact, it's toxic.  I am choosing now to write about it and as I do, let it flow out of my body.

First, Someone in my life that I hold a lot of anger towards is my ex-husband.  I was not a good girlfriend, I cheated...I did a lot of lying, but when we got married, I vowed to NEVER do it again, then, out of the blue, when we had been married 4 weeks, he cheated on me.  I was in basic training, busting my ass to make a life for us, and he was mooching off my dad, living with him, and cheating on me.  He likes to tell people I cheated on him, and I did, AFTER he cheated on me and not until 4 months AFTER the fact, when shit didn't get better.  He also likes to tell people that I got kicked out of the Air Force, or better yet, that HE got me kicked out.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  If you get KICKED out, you do NOT get an honorable discharge.  And I have the DD214 to PROVE that I got an HONORABLE discharge.

As far as my anger towards him goes, I am choosing at this point to let go of anyone and anything that is close to him.  I am sorry that I have to do this, but until my "friends" that are choosing to be close to him, I cannot have them in my life, or close to my life, as I feel it feeds the toxicity.

2nd, and this one goes back 17 almost 18 years.  As a mother, I hope that I never say the things that a mother of an ex boyfriend once said to me.  She actually damaged me.  A woman I looked up to, and loved, and who claimed to be a god fearing, christian woman once asked me the following question when she found out I had slept with her son, "What kind of diseases could you have given him?"  Now, as a 15 year old girl, I was hurt, angry, crushed, and totally demolished inside.  I had just lost my virginity to her son, and he had lost his to me, and even after I told her this she continued to berate me, and belittle me.  I HATE YOU.  I honestly can't say this about many people, but I hold a lot of hate, anger, and resentment towards this woman.  I can only hope that I can learn from her rudeness, and pray that I NEVER say anything like that to a girlfriend of my sons.  I hope that I never spit out such things in the heat of the moment and NEVER take the time to apologize, because that is honestly all it would have taken to ease the sting of such a hateful statement to a fragile teenage girl.

I love you.  I can only love you as Christ loves us if I want to be a better person.

Thanks for reading everyone <3

Ally